Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
