i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
