You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
sex in a hospital.. check
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
