Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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