My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
