its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
