You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
