the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's blow job season.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
