Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
