Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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