I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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