you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
