hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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