My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
