oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
