Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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