I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
