I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
