The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
