and i looked up. we had an audience...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
