I just saw a hot homeless man
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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