Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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