'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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