i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
