I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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