I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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