all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
