Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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