He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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