I seem to have left my pride at pride
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
