ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
