I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
