And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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