id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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