ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
