I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
