she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
