Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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