you guys were way drunker than both of me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
