how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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