I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize