Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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