he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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