Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
