I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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