The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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