You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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