I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You are a genius and a whore.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
