he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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