That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
