So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize