Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
