Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
