Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
