At least make sure they are 18
Why
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
