She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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