Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
