I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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