I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
