No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I intend to get homeless drunk
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
