she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
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