at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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