nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
