I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
