How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
